My heart hurts. Not really - more like it clenches. It is fear and nerves. It is being so unsure. This is more than a new job - but a career. One of the first steps in my truly adult life.
I find it odd that our society thinks of going from childhood to adolescence as growing up and perceives of becoming an "adult" at those arbitrary age markers of 18 or 21. They say some grow up before their time because of horrorse and trials they see at too young an age. Those persons are more often stuck perpetually in childhood and never really learn that all that horror, pain, fear, and suffering is merely a condition of the human existence rather than the default state. Those persons may lose some of the lightness we associate with youth, but rather than growing up too fast, they have their growth stunted. Ours is a linear existence. While we can imitate - and quiet adeptly - the trappings, mannerisms, and duties of an adult life, we cannot learn to be an adult without learning first to be a child. Perhaps that is why it has taken me not 18 or 21 years, but 28 to finally begin growing up.
Observation #4: 5:00 am is a lot fraking earlier than 6:30 am.
Observation #5: 5:00 am is not early at all. It is not really early. It is really late. Really early does not start until the sky has at least started to get lighter.
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